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i'm currently an interning at Eros, The Center For Safe Sex, in San Francisco. If you aren't familiar with Eros it is a sex club, and bathhouse, that is for men across the spectrum (aka open to transmen). they are also involved in the creation of trannywood pictures, which is porn with trans and cisgendered men (if you haven't seen CUBBYHOLES yet, you should). in just the few weeks here i have found the staff incredibly supportive of trans issues. there is an interest among staff, and myself, to create a first timer's guide, for gay/bi/queer men, on how to approach the issue of sleeping with transmen. so here i am asking for feedback from the transmasculine community.

please be mindful this a rough draft. it will change a lot before it's done. i am more than open to change and constructive criticism. if you see an issue, tell me, but don't attack me. there are a million ways to be trans and i'm trying to be mindful of that within my work. i'm looking for feedback and potential content here. i know i am just one trans person and i value my community's input 9this includes trans people and partners) but i have seen many people flamed when asking about issues like these. so i just ask that you be mindful of that.



ps. oh and for the record i am a queer trans boy. if that matters to anyone.

pps. if you want to send me comments privately email me at xxfaggybutchboixy at yahoo dot com

**cross posted like crazy**

cover: witty title

- what to do when you find out that hottie you are sweating is trans?
- i'm looking a catchy title so feel free to think of good ones and send them my way

page one: common terms

- sex vs. gender

- definitions
- Transgender
- Transsexual
- Trannyfag
- Transmasculine
- Genderqueer
- no-op
- pre-op
- post-op
- T
- top/bottom surgery

- what other definitions/terms should be here?
- are there any you feel like shouldn't be here?
- ask your partner what they prefer (every person is different!)

page two: disclosure

- take a deep breath and don't panic (or freak out)
- be kind and be nice (remember coming out is never easy)
- identity issues that may come up (being with a trans guy doesn't make you any less gay)
- don't generalize or make assumptions about your partner’s gender and sex
- if you aren’t interested that is OK, just be considerate when saying no.
- above all be respectful
- transmen are men
- other additions?

page three: language boundaries

- pronouns
- your best bet is to ask but it’s probably a safe bet to just use male (he, him) pronouns
- language around bodies and body parts
- the most important sex organ is your brain, use it
- ask you partner what they prefer to call their anatomy.
- potential words for tranny cock: dick, cock, prick, etc.
- potential words for the front hole: manhole, male slot, boyhole, bonus hole, what else?
- what are the right/wrong questions to ask? (what do you need to know and what is overstepping boundaries?)(Assuming we are in a sex club environment)


where can/can’t I touch you?


how our families are coping
about our hormone usage
why we decided to transition
why we weren’t happy as women

WHAT ELSE? i know there are million of bad questions (and good ones) to list here.

page four: physical boundaries

- where does your trans partner feel comfortable/not feel comfortable being touched?
- chest and manhole specifically of concern when involved with trans boys
- top/bottom/switch?
- don’t just assume here, ask.
- trans status issues
- again don’t assume about someone’s hormone/surgery status, ask!
- taking t or having surgery does not make you any more or less trans
- hormones and t are a privilege and do not make the transman)


back cover: resource guide

- related to trans guy 101 or partners of trans guys

- ftm international
- safer sex guide for transmen
- others?


- trifold
- 6 pages
- 5 content pages
- square shaped
I think this is a brilliant idea, looking forward to seeing what folks come up with. For a bunch of reasons I'm not really in a position to contribute anything, but I'm wondering if you might put this online or make it available somehow? Have heard too many eyewitness bath-house horror stories of trans-run-ins - great to have a resource like this. Bravo.
we'll be putting it online once we are done.
Sounds like a fantastic idea, I hope you'll post the finished product here for us to read when you're done! :)
you may want to add a blurb on topping with a strap on or double ended toy and prostate vs g-spot similarities and differences.

you also may want to change "- hormones and t are a privilege and do not make the transman)", not all transmen want to take T and wouldn't consider it a "privilege", same with surgeries, same with living full time as male. Some transmen that you may have at your place may only be part-time or only desire to live as male part time and a little bit on that could help too.

like others, I hope you post the final result here aswell :)
First let me just say I think this is a great idea and I can't wait to see the result!

"taking t or having surgery does not make you any more or less trans"

I think this is something that is really important to be stressed in the trans world today, so I would just keep that in mind while writing.

Best of luck!
Can't wait to see the results!


Have you seen www.queertransmen.org? It's a Canadian site that was recently created that is mainly a safer sex guide for queer transguys and "the guys who dig them". Worth a look, there's some overlapping information.